Topic #1
I don't get why God decided to love me; decided to give me faith to believe; and set me in a family that also believes. Unfathomable gift, that those I love most have also been gifted faith to believe.
Thank you, Jesus.
And it boggles my brain that because of Jesus, God completely loves me, accepts me, approves me. I belong. I belong. I belong. It's a craving in my heart. Love poured out on me, overwhelming and completely.

I want to live everyday in that love and acceptance.
I want to spend this life that I've been given giving that love and acceptance to others.

The worse part is that it sounds way better on paper than it looks in the everyday, or my everyday:
When not one single person comments on my status update....deflated.
When I raise my voice at a baby for whatever hair-brained reason....failure.
When the only email for a week is from a credit card company...forgotten.
When I sarcastically hand out homework to a problem student...way to hand out love there, Donna.

I'm not doing so well. I still want people's approval, acceptance, all that.
But I don't have to be awesome. Jesus is. And He loves me.
I'll rest in that.
And for as long as it takes (entire life, really) I'm going to engage. Jesus first. Me last.

 Topic #2


My orphans here in Guatemala are trapped by a senseless legal system. Yes, yes, I know there are corrupted individuals who must be stopped. But since the latest adoption law has passed here, all of 38 or so adoptions have been finalized. And 300 (I think that's the correct number) families are waiting in the States, separated from their children who are growing up here because the new law totally interrupted the adoptions already in process. It's been four years. I know a family whose home was ripped apart by this law. The CNA (adoption agency) placed a foster child in their home; the family filed for adoption. But no, because Guatemalan law stipulates that perspective adoptive parents may not have had any contact at all with the child, they cannot adopt her. It sounds like a cruel joke. Lawyers and staff inside the CNA were trying desperately to find a loophole; they were fighting each other. But no, the law is the law. And it's a bad one. Meanwhile, rumor has it that the top two guys in the CNA are selling babies. Side business, you know. Somehow there are loopholes for heinous crimes like that, but its impossible for a foster child to be adopted by her foster family. Insane. 


I'm about to start waging warfare against this law. I don't know how, honestly, but it's insane. 


I want these kids to experience the unconditional love and acceptance of God through the power of families. 
And if they never experience adoption, I want them to remember that for the brief time I was a part of their everyday life, that I gave them love, unconditionally and unfailingly. 
Oh God, help me. 
The big kids will remember more. 
And I pray the babies will remember the hugs, the squeezes, the whispered words of love. Know they are loved. 

Topic #3 
Happy Mother's Day to my mom! 
I love you. 
I'm thankful you are my mom.