Missionaries

I recently read an online conversation regarding the need for a couple to commit to a certain ministry. This was included: "..the couple would need to be willing to lay down their life and as Jesus said, 'follow Him'."

It didn't resonate well with me.
Here's why.

I sense a feeling/belief/thought that unless someone goes to a foreign mission field, he is not truly laying down his life or following Jesus. Maybe his dedication should be questioned.

I also sense a feeling/belief/thought that those who go into foreign missions are spiritually advanced, mighty prayer warriors, and unshakeable.

Both are lies.
I know people who prove the first one false.
And the second one: well, I do a good myself of proving that one wrong.

Now granted, there might be people at home who truly are not laying down their lives for Jesus. And there are foreign missionaries who are mighty prayer warriors. (As for spiritually advanced and unshakeable....I'm not sure if those humans will ever attain those qualities during a lifetime. Perfectly, no. Increasingly, yes. But that's a different topic.)

In certain circumstances, I believe that those who remain at home have a more difficult cross to bear. In modern United States, living a dedicated life as a Jesus-follower is hard. Finances, possessions, media, stress.....everything is screaming at you to just go with the flow. You have to fight, hard, to not be sucked into the vacuum of luxury, ease, comfort, pleasure, me, me, me.
Don't ever believe that because you remain at home that you haven't attained some spiritual plane.
Your faithful witness at your job, in your home (stay-at-home-moms, you are my heroes!), in your community, in your youth group, at your school, at your kid's school compels those around you to seek what you have.

And to foreign missionaries: You too need to fight against the me, me, me thing. It's far better to admit that you don't have it all together; that sometimes (often) you are wrong. Yes, I'm mostly talking to me here. I'm more selfish than you who stay at home are. I guarantee it. And last week, I was mad at Josh for not letting me have the computer (a gift) when I wanted it. In the middle of indigenous Guatemala. Lame, very lame.
You'd think I would be down the lane in the village, passing out alms to feed the poor and binding up wounds with one hand, while cooking beans over an open fire with my other hand. But no, I'm trying to think of a way that I can eat the last bag of M&Ms without Josh finding out.

Josh and I are returning home in October. Five months. And while I'M ABSOLUTELY EXCITED ABOUT THIS, I'm also afraid, cause people, I don't know if I have what it takes to faithfully navigate the culture. Faithfully being the key word. Before we came here, we went to church, loved it, read our Bibles. But I'm not sure we were faithful in terms of finances, possessions, media, stress. Our time here has really opened my eyes to the courage, wisdom, and strength required to live faithfully in the States. It has been a journey and it will continue. And I'm mostly excited, cause I know Someone who is absolutely faithful and Who knows how to live faithfully surrounded by culture.

Mostly I want you to know this: Do not be guilted into foreign missions by believing that you have not yet laid down your life by remaining at home. You are a missionary already. In your house. At your job. In your community. You can pick up your cross and follow Jesus right where you are at. And know this too: If God is calling you to foreign missions, He will make it clear.

Wherever you are, missionary, we bless you.
Josh & Donna

Topic #1
I don't get why God decided to love me; decided to give me faith to believe; and set me in a family that also believes. Unfathomable gift, that those I love most have also been gifted faith to believe.
Thank you, Jesus.
And it boggles my brain that because of Jesus, God completely loves me, accepts me, approves me. I belong. I belong. I belong. It's a craving in my heart. Love poured out on me, overwhelming and completely.

I want to live everyday in that love and acceptance.
I want to spend this life that I've been given giving that love and acceptance to others.

The worse part is that it sounds way better on paper than it looks in the everyday, or my everyday:
When not one single person comments on my status update....deflated.
When I raise my voice at a baby for whatever hair-brained reason....failure.
When the only email for a week is from a credit card company...forgotten.
When I sarcastically hand out homework to a problem student...way to hand out love there, Donna.

I'm not doing so well. I still want people's approval, acceptance, all that.
But I don't have to be awesome. Jesus is. And He loves me.
I'll rest in that.
And for as long as it takes (entire life, really) I'm going to engage. Jesus first. Me last.

 Topic #2


My orphans here in Guatemala are trapped by a senseless legal system. Yes, yes, I know there are corrupted individuals who must be stopped. But since the latest adoption law has passed here, all of 38 or so adoptions have been finalized. And 300 (I think that's the correct number) families are waiting in the States, separated from their children who are growing up here because the new law totally interrupted the adoptions already in process. It's been four years. I know a family whose home was ripped apart by this law. The CNA (adoption agency) placed a foster child in their home; the family filed for adoption. But no, because Guatemalan law stipulates that perspective adoptive parents may not have had any contact at all with the child, they cannot adopt her. It sounds like a cruel joke. Lawyers and staff inside the CNA were trying desperately to find a loophole; they were fighting each other. But no, the law is the law. And it's a bad one. Meanwhile, rumor has it that the top two guys in the CNA are selling babies. Side business, you know. Somehow there are loopholes for heinous crimes like that, but its impossible for a foster child to be adopted by her foster family. Insane. 


I'm about to start waging warfare against this law. I don't know how, honestly, but it's insane. 


I want these kids to experience the unconditional love and acceptance of God through the power of families. 
And if they never experience adoption, I want them to remember that for the brief time I was a part of their everyday life, that I gave them love, unconditionally and unfailingly. 
Oh God, help me. 
The big kids will remember more. 
And I pray the babies will remember the hugs, the squeezes, the whispered words of love. Know they are loved. 

Topic #3 
Happy Mother's Day to my mom! 
I love you. 
I'm thankful you are my mom.